Self-sabotage is spiritual seppuku. We kill ourselves, with little inconsistencies that misalign with what we truly want in life. Many people take 'the test' and confidently write down exactly where they think they will be in 5 years. But that's a dream, and we are unfortunately not our dreams, our truest description is more accurately described as the sum of our habits, patterns, and how we spend our time.

If we look at your patterns, where do you think the trail will lead us?

If you've never heard of shadow work, it's a psychological dance with the unconscious side of ourselves that tends to hold us back, the side we push down to protect us from failure, embarrassment, or shame.

We stuff it all down in a place that's safe from the outside world. Our Shadow.

In scientific terms this is known as the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is a container of things that would drive us mad if always readily available, time heals all wounds only because the unconscious allows us to forget and regain our freedom. But the spiritual side of Shadow Work is realignment fixing the negative loop of remembrance that serves us in painful, slighted ways. If you want to understand Shadow-Work continue reading, as it might just be the thing that saves you from yourself.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious,
it will direct your life and you will call it fate" – Carl Jung

What is your Shadow protecting you from?
To understand this, we need to explore how the Shadow forms in the first place.

In childhood, we are completely pure and authentic. We make fart noises with our armpits, wag our imaginary tails like puppies, or stand on restaurant tables pretending to be superheroes. In that moment of standing on the table, we feel genuinely powerful - as if we truly are superheroes on top of the world.

But then reality hits. People whisper, "Why do they let that kid stand on the table?" or "Get that kid down from there!" Society's authority pushes us down, and with it goes that feeling of power and authenticity. We learn that certain parts of ourselves aren't welcome in the world.

Strict parenting reinforces this conditioning, viewing children as projects to be perfected. They look at your desires, dreams, and goals, and say "We're going to make all of that go away,". We soon discover that conforming rewards us, while expressing our authentic selves brings shame and rejection.

We don't wear a mask because we are concealing our true nature, or being fake. We wear the mask because it represents socially acceptable parts of ourselves society allows us to exist. Behind the mask, is a culmination of the opposite - a rhizome of every failure we fear and deny about ourselves.

The pieces of ourselves that we've learned to deny. And they don't simply vanish or stay completely bottled inside either. Sometimes they leak out...

How many times have you said 'that's just the way I am?' or 'I always mess things up' or 'I guess i'm not meant for more'. Until we face our shadows, we continue to repeat the same fate. In a neuroscience terminology this means facing our unconscious patterns and looking at ourselves objectively. Which is sometimes difficult when society has rewarded us for the mask, but we want to live a fuller life.

The shadow leaks out in two predictable patterns that sabotage our relationships and goals:

Projection is a subtle defense of the mind—an unconscious act where we assign our own unacknowledged emotions or desires to others. From a neuroscientific lens, it’s the brain’s way of reducing internal conflict: instead of metabolizing discomfort within our own nervous system, we externalize it. The “shadow,” as depth psychology and spirituality describe it, cleverly convinces us that the tension we feel lives outside of us—embodied in someone else’s behavior—so that we can momentarily feel safer.

Imagine a familiar scene in relationships: one partner becomes fixated on the idea that the other is being unfaithful. They scroll through messages, seek clues, and construct intricate narratives of betrayal. Yet beneath that obsession often lies an unspoken truth—feelings of disconnection, dissatisfaction, or fear that have gone unexpressed.

The psyche, trying to protect itself from vulnerability, redirects these buried emotions outward. It’s far easier for the mind to analyze another’s imagined wrongdoing than to face the ache of one’s own unmet needs. True healing begins when we gently turn our gaze inward—acknowledging that what we fear in others often mirrors what remains unresolved within ourselves.

It's easier to investigate someone else's potential betrayal than to examine your own unmet needs.

This same pattern shows up everywhere. The person who constantly calls others "fake" is usually struggling with their own authenticity. The one who sees laziness in everyone around them is often battling their own relationship with productivity and rest.

Bullies operate from this same psychological mechanism. They feel small and powerless inside, so they project that smallness onto someone else. By making another person feel small, they temporarily escape their own feelings of inadequacy. The projection has nothing to do with the victim - it's entirely about the bully's internal landscape that they refuse to face.

Another example is how procrastination can actually be our shadow.

Using the bully example again, if a person has not addressed bullies in their lifetime, they'll eventually find themselves fighting imaginary bullies, phantom residue of their shadow in life. Every task because an impossible fight to get done because the bullies are still in the way!

Which also happens often in overachievers, we see many overachievers get triggered by someone who is able to successfully achieve work-life balance consistently. Their shadow goes... "What do you mean you can make a money AND have fun? I've had to sacrifice fun to my shadow!" It's not fair that I've had to cut off and sacrificed an arm to get where I am, but look at this mfer over here, just having fun!

This isn't an enemy to be defeated, or overcome through willpower. In fact, willpower is the fuel for the Shadow. Remember, the shadow is you. It is just the mentally unconscious strength of yourself.

When it keeps us in a habitual loop that clashes against who we are. It is our fault. Not because we've conditioned ourselves, but because we are the only ones who can reclaim the power by changing it.

When the shadow views perfectly harmless life experiences through a red lens of bias, fear, rejection, and insecurity. Positive steps up the ladder of life, towards our goals, quickly becomes a table we feel we cannot climb on, because "Remember what happened last time?" "Remember how the fall hurt?" "Remember the embarrassment?" "Remember your parents being mad at you?" "You'll fail!"

But here's the thing - we are no longer that child standing on the restaurant table. We are adults trying to climb higher, to build meaningful lives and careers. So we must make a change within ourselves, not by fighting our shadow, but by updating its outdated protective programming.

Even you.

So the goal isn't killing or defeating your shadow, because that Harikiri lifestyle is only a means of escaping, not actual change, and that's what we're after, real change by working with our shadow.

The goal is making peace with your shadow, hence the term shadow work. This peace however will come with a bit of uncomfortable emotions because it was pressed down for so long. The bully has to sit down with the feeling of being ashamed. This happens in 4.0 star students as well, people who try to connect with their positivity, try to connect with their potential. End up feeling extremely humiliated, because if they had the potential to do it, why are they not there yet? Oh! I could have done it but I screwed up!

But instead, they make excuses, "oh it was never meant for me!" or "I don't want to start a low-level job or internship" but inside of those things, talking to people you think are losers, talking in spaces where you aren't on top of the world, and putting yourself out there alone and doing grunt work even though you've graduated top of your class with a 4.0. You can do it today, you almost have all the knowledge to give you the agency required to change your patterns and take a path that isn't spiritual seppuku.

Your shadow is sitting right beside you as you read this. It's not your enemy - it's your oldest protector who's been working with outdated information. Here's how to start updating that programming:

The 3-Minute Shadow Check When you feel resistance to something you actually want, pause and ask: "What age do I feel right now?" Often you'll discover a 7-year-old who learned that wanting things led to disappointment, or a teenager who got laughed at for trying.

The Judgment Mirror Notice what bothers you about others this week. Write it down, no judgement. That criticism is usually a disowned part of yourself. The "lazy" person may trigger you because you've suppressed your need for rest. The "attention-seeker" may remind you of your unexpressed creativity.

The Gentle Rebellion Pick one small thing your shadow is protecting you from. Afraid to post your art? Share one sketch. Scared to speak up in meetings? Ask one question. Don't force it - just practice showing your shadow that the world has changed since you first learned to hide.

Remember: Your shadow has been your loyal bodyguard for years, keeping you safe from a world that once felt dangerous. Thank it for its service, then gently show it you're ready to take some calculated risks. The goal isn't fearlessness - it's conscious choice. It's becoming mentally wealthier by reclaiming the parts of yourself you thought you had to abandon.

That's where true freedom lives - not in defeating your shadow, but in accepting it.

Self-sabotage is spiritual seppuku. We kill ourselves, with little inconsistencies that misalign with what we truly want in life. Many people take 'the test' and confidently write down exactly where they think they will be in 5 years. But that's a dream, and we are unfortunately not our dreams, our truest description is more accurately described as the sum of our habits, patterns, and how we spend our time.

If we look at your patterns, where do you think the trail will lead us?

If you've never heard of shadow work, it's a psychological dance with the unconscious side of ourselves that tends to hold us back, the side we push down to protect us from failure, embarrassment, or shame.

We stuff it all down in a place that's safe from the outside world. Our Shadow.

In scientific terms this is known as the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is a container of things that would drive us mad if always readily available, time heals all wounds only because the unconscious allows us to forget and regain our freedom. But the spiritual side of Shadow Work is realignment fixing the negative loop of remembrance that serves us in painful, slighted ways. If you want to understand Shadow-Work continue reading, as it might just be the thing that saves you from yourself.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious,
it will direct your life and you will call it fate" – Carl Jung

What is your Shadow protecting you from?
To understand this, we need to explore how the Shadow forms in the first place.

In childhood, we are completely pure and authentic. We make fart noises with our armpits, wag our imaginary tails like puppies, or stand on restaurant tables pretending to be superheroes. In that moment of standing on the table, we feel genuinely powerful - as if we truly are superheroes on top of the world.

But then reality hits. People whisper, "Why do they let that kid stand on the table?" or "Get that kid down from there!" Society's authority pushes us down, and with it goes that feeling of power and authenticity. We learn that certain parts of ourselves aren't welcome in the world.

Strict parenting reinforces this conditioning, viewing children as projects to be perfected. They look at your desires, dreams, and goals, and say "We're going to make all of that go away,". We soon discover that conforming rewards us, while expressing our authentic selves brings shame and rejection.

We don't wear a mask because we are concealing our true nature, or being fake. We wear the mask because it represents socially acceptable parts of ourselves society allows us to exist. Behind the mask, is a culmination of the opposite - a rhizome of every failure we fear and deny about ourselves.

The pieces of ourselves that we've learned to deny. And they don't simply vanish or stay completely bottled inside either. Sometimes they leak out...

How many times have you said 'that's just the way I am?' or 'I always mess things up' or 'I guess i'm not meant for more'. Until we face our shadows, we continue to repeat the same fate. In a neuroscience terminology this means facing our unconscious patterns and looking at ourselves objectively. Which is sometimes difficult when society has rewarded us for the mask, but we want to live a fuller life.

The shadow leaks out in two predictable patterns that sabotage our relationships and goals:

Projection is a subtle defense of the mind—an unconscious act where we assign our own unacknowledged emotions or desires to others. From a neuroscientific lens, it’s the brain’s way of reducing internal conflict: instead of metabolizing discomfort within our own nervous system, we externalize it. The “shadow,” as depth psychology and spirituality describe it, cleverly convinces us that the tension we feel lives outside of us—embodied in someone else’s behavior—so that we can momentarily feel safer.

Imagine a familiar scene in relationships: one partner becomes fixated on the idea that the other is being unfaithful. They scroll through messages, seek clues, and construct intricate narratives of betrayal. Yet beneath that obsession often lies an unspoken truth—feelings of disconnection, dissatisfaction, or fear that have gone unexpressed.

The psyche, trying to protect itself from vulnerability, redirects these buried emotions outward. It’s far easier for the mind to analyze another’s imagined wrongdoing than to face the ache of one’s own unmet needs. True healing begins when we gently turn our gaze inward—acknowledging that what we fear in others often mirrors what remains unresolved within ourselves.

It's easier to investigate someone else's potential betrayal than to examine your own unmet needs.

This same pattern shows up everywhere. The person who constantly calls others "fake" is usually struggling with their own authenticity. The one who sees laziness in everyone around them is often battling their own relationship with productivity and rest.

Bullies operate from this same psychological mechanism. They feel small and powerless inside, so they project that smallness onto someone else. By making another person feel small, they temporarily escape their own feelings of inadequacy. The projection has nothing to do with the victim - it's entirely about the bully's internal landscape that they refuse to face.

Another example is how procrastination can actually be our shadow.

Using the bully example again, if a person has not addressed bullies in their lifetime, they'll eventually find themselves fighting imaginary bullies, phantom residue of their shadow in life. Every task because an impossible fight to get done because the bullies are still in the way!

Which also happens often in overachievers, we see many overachievers get triggered by someone who is able to successfully achieve work-life balance consistently. Their shadow goes... "What do you mean you can make a money AND have fun? I've had to sacrifice fun to my shadow!" It's not fair that I've had to cut off and sacrificed an arm to get where I am, but look at this mfer over here, just having fun!

This isn't an enemy to be defeated, or overcome through willpower. In fact, willpower is the fuel for the Shadow. Remember, the shadow is you. It is just the mentally unconscious strength of yourself.

When it keeps us in a habitual loop that clashes against who we are. It is our fault. Not because we've conditioned ourselves, but because we are the only ones who can reclaim the power by changing it.

When the shadow views perfectly harmless life experiences through a red lens of bias, fear, rejection, and insecurity. Positive steps up the ladder of life, towards our goals, quickly becomes a table we feel we cannot climb on, because "Remember what happened last time?" "Remember how the fall hurt?" "Remember the embarrassment?" "Remember your parents being mad at you?" "You'll fail!"

But here's the thing - we are no longer that child standing on the restaurant table. We are adults trying to climb higher, to build meaningful lives and careers. So we must make a change within ourselves, not by fighting our shadow, but by updating its outdated protective programming.

Even you.

So the goal isn't killing or defeating your shadow, because that Harikiri lifestyle is only a means of escaping, not actual change, and that's what we're after, real change by working with our shadow.

The goal is making peace with your shadow, hence the term shadow work. This peace however will come with a bit of uncomfortable emotions because it was pressed down for so long. The bully has to sit down with the feeling of being ashamed. This happens in 4.0 star students as well, people who try to connect with their positivity, try to connect with their potential. End up feeling extremely humiliated, because if they had the potential to do it, why are they not there yet? Oh! I could have done it but I screwed up!

But instead, they make excuses, "oh it was never meant for me!" or "I don't want to start a low-level job or internship" but inside of those things, talking to people you think are losers, talking in spaces where you aren't on top of the world, and putting yourself out there alone and doing grunt work even though you've graduated top of your class with a 4.0. You can do it today, you almost have all the knowledge to give you the agency required to change your patterns and take a path that isn't spiritual seppuku.

Your shadow is sitting right beside you as you read this. It's not your enemy - it's your oldest protector who's been working with outdated information. Here's how to start updating that programming:

The 3-Minute Shadow Check When you feel resistance to something you actually want, pause and ask: "What age do I feel right now?" Often you'll discover a 7-year-old who learned that wanting things led to disappointment, or a teenager who got laughed at for trying.

The Judgment Mirror Notice what bothers you about others this week. Write it down, no judgement. That criticism is usually a disowned part of yourself. The "lazy" person may trigger you because you've suppressed your need for rest. The "attention-seeker" may remind you of your unexpressed creativity.

The Gentle Rebellion Pick one small thing your shadow is protecting you from. Afraid to post your art? Share one sketch. Scared to speak up in meetings? Ask one question. Don't force it - just practice showing your shadow that the world has changed since you first learned to hide.

Remember: Your shadow has been your loyal bodyguard for years, keeping you safe from a world that once felt dangerous. Thank it for its service, then gently show it you're ready to take some calculated risks. The goal isn't fearlessness - it's conscious choice. It's becoming mentally wealthier by reclaiming the parts of yourself you thought you had to abandon.

That's where true freedom lives - not in defeating your shadow, but in accepting it.